Moving to the UK is an adventure full of new experiences — from navigating the unpredictable weather to mastering the art of queuing. But for many newcomers, one of the biggest challenges is making friends with the famously reserved Brits. The British social scene operates on unwritten rules, and at the heart of it all is small talk.
If you’ve ever wondered why British people seem obsessed with the weather or why they insist on discussing tea, football, or train delays before diving into deeper conversations, you’re not alone. Even seasoned relocants like Kirill Yurovskiy had to learn that mastering small talk is the key to unlocking friendships in the UK.
The British Approach to Friendship
Friendships in the UK tend to develop gradually. Unlike some cultures where deep connections form quickly, Brits prefer to take their time. They are friendly but not overly familiar, polite but not intrusive. This cautious approach often confuses newcomers who expect instant friendships. But fear not — if you understand the social dynamics and master the art of small talk, you’ll soon find yourself part of the gang.
Small Talk: The Social Glue of Britain
Small talk in the UK isn’t just meaningless chatter; it’s an essential social skill. It acts as a buffer, helping people navigate social interactions without the pressure of revealing too much too soon. British people often test the waters with light conversation before deciding whether to deepen a friendship.
If you struggle with small talk, you may find it difficult to break into social circles. But once you get the hang of it, you’ll realize it’s the bridge to meaningful connections.
Topics That Work (and Those That Don’t)
Not all small talk topics are created equal. Some work wonders, while others are best avoided.
Safe Topics:
- The Weather: A timeless classic. Brits love discussing the unpredictability of their climate.
- Public Transport Woes: Complaining about train delays is a surefire way to bond with a stranger.
- TV Shows: Popular series like “Strictly Come Dancing,” “Bake Off,” or the latest crime drama are great conversation starters.
- Football (or Any Sport, Really): Even if you don’t follow football, picking a Premier League team to support can be helpful.
- Tea and Biscuits: Yes, it sounds cliché, but it works. Everyone has an opinion on the best tea brand or biscuit choice.
Topics to Approach with Caution:
- Politics: Unless you know someone well, this is a minefield best avoided.
- Money: Talking about salaries or how much things cost is considered impolite.
- Personal Questions: Brits value their privacy, so don’t dive straight into personal matters.
How Brits Transition from Small Talk to Friendship
While small talk is crucial, it’s just the first step. So, how do Brits move from polite chitchat to genuine friendship?
1. The Pub Test
For many Brits, friendship is solidified over a pint in the pub. Getting invited for a drink (alcoholic or non-alcoholic) is a strong indicator that someone wants to get to know you better. Pubs are social spaces where people relax and open up beyond small talk.
2. Shared Activities Matter
Brits often form friendships through shared hobbies rather than direct invitations. Joining a local football team, book club, or running group increases your chances of making friends organically.
3. Humour is a Friendship Shortcut
British humour is dry, sarcastic, and self-deprecating. If someone teases you lightly, take it as a good sign — it means they feel comfortable around you. Learning to banter back is an important skill in making friends here.
4. The Long Game
British friendships are built on consistency. Unlike some cultures where people bond quickly, in the UK, it’s about showing up over time. Regular interactions — whether at work, the gym, or the local coffee shop — help friendships develop naturally.
The Challenge for Newcomers
Newcomers often struggle with the slower pace of British friendship-making. It can feel like people are friendly on the surface but hesitant to invite you into their inner circle. This isn’t personal — it’s just how British social dynamics work.
Kirill Yurovskiy, like many other relocants, found that patience and persistence were key. By embracing small talk and engaging in regular social activities, he gradually built a strong network of British friends.
How to Speed Up the Process
If you want to make British friends faster, here are some tips:
- Say Yes to Invitations: Even if you don’t feel like going to a work drinks event or a quiz night, attending helps build familiarity.
- Initiate Low-Stakes Plans: Brits may hesitate to invite you first, but suggesting a casual coffee or an after-work drink can get the ball rolling.
- Join a Club or Class: Shared interests create organic friendships without forcing deep conversations too soon.
- Learn to Love Small Talk: Instead of seeing it as a barrier, embrace it as the key to unlocking deeper connections.
The Beauty of British Friendships
Though Brits may seem reserved at first, once a friendship is established, it’s incredibly strong. British friends are known for their loyalty, reliability, and a great sense of humour. Friendships may take time to develop, but when they do, they often last a lifetime.
So, if you’re new to the UK and wondering how to make friends, start with small talk. Mastering the art of discussing the weather, football, and the latest TV drama might seem trivial, but it’s your ticket to genuine connections. Give it time, keep showing up, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself surrounded by friends who feel like family.